Maybe I'm unique in this regard, not unique in the sense of better or special, but as an anomoly to the inherent drive. Knowing that during our breakup within a week she sought sex from someone she claims to not have liked either physicaly or emotionally is odd to digest. I understand the desire to be validated and the low self esteem but is this the solution? The first time she was too drunk to remember what happened, she asked via facebook if they had used a condom. Delivering an odd poem that created no response from her acquisition. I'm sure neither of them thought it would go beyond the hollow physical demands.
It's been three days since I found out and I feel at odds. I wonder why, is there something I didn't provide?(My ego speaks) Is she looking for wild flings(She says it was the only time) I had also asked since we got back to dating if she had been with someone else. She repeatedly stated of course not, and during our relationship she actually said without a prompt that she could never be with another man after me that she did not care for.
The first 3 days were hell, I fell into a manic depression. Feelings of paralyzation, apathy, rage, sadness and finally lashing out. A broken chair here, peering into his open facebook account searching for any clues. But to what? In the infinite scope of this life why should one realization stunt growth in other areas? It's immature to let one hurdle determine the realities of the day. I still am young, and If I were to lose this person then I'll be better for it. It 's not a trait I can accept and better to learn it know then after her bearing kids and being permanently attached.
I'm not sure what I want from us. I do know however that there are other more important things to focus on. Love is a dangerous substance, it can create sensations of bliss and moments of defeat. But if it doesn't work out then back to the square one, focusing on ones own skill set and branching out.
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