And so it can shift

I could have sworn this wouldn't be any good, to let myself feel is to be exposed to the elements. Extreme joy teeters next to sorrow.Indifference is my shield, apathy my sword. Unfortunately it is not a tangible battle, no amount of force or energy will help solve this. Letting go requires removing the mask, comfort comes from the mask and it will hurt to let it dissolve. I can always get my way by being a chameleon, a merchant for your needs while subtracting any possible bond. Intentions are concealed while I lure them into a false sense of security. An emotional con man always looking for the greatest return while sacrificing a future of friendship. A Major contradiction beckons of remaining separated yet looking for a mutual mind to share life with. A decent partner will never be found if one shape shifts from person to person. Reserved and shy, witty and boisterous, cunning and intelligent, all these traits encompass the morphing of my personality. Blank canvass shifting into different perspectives that satisfy the viewer. Barriers block out both tyrants and saints. My only defense is to block both out. This weak defense removes the joy of life, a truly strong defense will accommodate each situation accordingly. No defense is required at times, a major step towards letting go of past reservations.

I never required a shoulder to cry on just sympathy. To have a mutual empathy is an ultimate goal, but this goal should require no effort. It either exists or it doesn't.

Words do not do it justice.

A good substitute does not exist.

Maybe just "it's ahsum"

Disillusionment would be impossible because a missing part was filled. The void is hard to describe because we all long for it to be filled in different ways. One can push towards their greatest ambitions and still feel as if there is something lacking.It just feels right.Confident but not cocky. Assured but not delusional. Together but not clingy. Pure positivity without forcing anything.

All these aforementioned statements outline the building blocks of a healthy relationship. Hardships are not deterrents but actually hurdles that once accomplished will reveal the true strength of the core.

You can't expect someone to change or supplement you into a better person without first truthfully analyzing your own life. Are you accomplishing what you would like? Are your goals outlined? Do you spread positivity selflessly without expecting rewards? Do you love yourself enough to be able to enjoy life? True happiness must come from within, no one is going to save you.One will attract individuals with similar thoughts, to be honest with one self will reveal certain experiences. We are so influenced by others being fully immersed so much that we forget how ingrained we are. It becomes automatic. Surround yourself with positivity and you too will reflect those qualities.

Emotions are a fickle thing, often criticized for being logic's retarded twice removed cousin, it is seen as a childish way to observe life. However emotions are impossible to escape and work in harmony with our logic. One isn't better than the other, it's all one working part. Instinct is a manifestation of emotions, we strive towards things and react instantly without much conscious thought. Our surroundings are observed and decisions are made instantly, we will quickly create portraits of people by observing their mannerisms and movements. Whenever we meet people that attract us and their vibrancy sways us. Lovers make contact and realize there are redeeming qualities while becoming curious to understand more. As we get to know each other there is a feeling out process in our interactions. Every actions speaks volumes. Whether they seem indifferent or fully immersed can be seen in even small gestures.

Love is a often discussed concept, often one hears of writers who seem almost blinded by the idea. Whether it be comparing ones companion to roses and pure bliss, or mentioning how one should,"fuck bitches, get money" there is an outlet for this idea. Obviously there is a certain selfless trait we all exhibit that helps in love. We go out of our way to help without expecting a reward. We care for people not because we want anything but because we have a mutual connection. Even if we don't feel like they appreciate us we still strive towards making their lives better. But a healthy relationship garners a mutual understanding where there isn't a need to feel unappreciated. Certainty takes time to build and it does not imply one should feel unshielded to feel it. There is no need for a shield at all, a deep connection only flourishes through acceptance and honesty.

A true friend is someone you can talk to openly without feeling self conscious or negative towards. We enjoy spending time with them and enjoying our interactions. What separates romantic love from friendship however is more than just chocolate, roses,and the occasionally "toot and boot" It is a reverence where we feel there is a bond that is indescribable. There is no fear just a mutual understanding. We can truly be ourselves without censorship. It is the idea that it no longer makes sense being alone in this world. No jealousy, spitefulness, attachment, or need for either party to be anything other than just who they are. A healthy relationship requires honesty and a brutal understanding that although it may not be perfect, it is worth pursuing. It is difficult to pull our barriers away and to express ourselves without reservation. We might feel unsure, insecure, or silly for feeling a certain way. But to trust the individual where we realize they will not judge us is an important facet.

There isn't a need to feel confined in anything, we don't owe each other anything. So much to explore we will never be able to fully enjoy all the possibilities. But to be immersed in the experience and enjoy it to the fullest is something attainable. Our enjoyment is only limited by our imaginations. So let's go out and venture into each others mind, let's enjoy it to the fullest.Adventures await, let's fucking do it.

simple minds try to define by going towards the current
others push and sway away to remain with whats current

were so confined within our minds its so hard to define
so fucking hard until one comes along and sweeps you off your feet
they ignite the spark to guide us through the dark
what can i contribute, a little gesture a smirk
just to prove to you that im not always a jerk
never want to trap you, you are your own
the greatest gift you've given me is a throne to call my own
your presence commands my deepest respect
i may be lay on payments but ill never forget to check
i put your needs ahead of mine, just to define
these words a cheap substitute for what ive always tried to find

you tend to inspire, but never expire, sometimes acquire,a sense of purpose and worth
invested energy is well spent, and im hell bent and pushing forward to progress through this madness
it may lead to occasional sadness, but for the most part its worth it two sides of the coin
cant have one without the other, true emotions may bother
but to keep it real and right, is to truly ignite.
so thank you, i appreciate, i hope we continue and always patiently wait
time is infinite and we have forever

Snap

no winners or losers when it isn't a game

our own judge, jury, and executioner.

no need for escape when it isn't a trap.

searching for guiding lights, where there isn't a grand master

No correct method, no method to the madness

Apply all the knowledge you know
Entangled within all of the experiences.
Become what you most admire, appreciate potential.
There is constant turmoil in losing sight of the goal.
The true meaning of life is to understand the simple yet freeing idea
Cause suffering and you will experience pain
Spread joy and you too will be joyful
Free yourself of selfishness because there is no you.
Abstract ideas at first, they will soon become obvious
Same building blocks, same shared land, same concerns.
Hurt others and you too will be hurt.
To spread love is to accept oneself.

Harmony of logic and Emotions

Our highly developed brains first acquired the use of emotions to guide our lives. Our logical side evolved much later. It's as if now we have windows 98 for our logic while we run Windows 7 on our emotions. Fortunately these two work together, we shouldn't try and suppress the emotional side because it is greatly important and much more efficient.

Take body language and facial recognition for example. We gather instantaneous clues as to another human beings mood. Whether it be sadness, joy, fear, anger, or confusion we understand others true non verbal cues. Cause and effect also works similar in the sense that whenever we experience something our memory banks store it for later usage. Take a friend who is constantly exercising and invites you to go. At the mention of their name you will instantly get in the mindset of doing activities and you will get pumped up. Let's say they start flaking on you and missing preplanned dates. After a while your dopamine receptors that got you pumped up will cease and you will mainly face a sort of disappointment or lack of energy.

These aforementioned facts are deeply ingrained and automatic that they hardly ever steer us in the wrong direction. Sometimes our instincts are the best option and logic can lead us in the wrong direction. This sounds odd to say that logic is sometimes negative, but if we start second guessing all our options our lives would lose enjoyment. Shall I have the pastrami or the turkey, we could spend hours trying to decide the pros and cons of each. A silly example but think of how much energy would be spent if all our seemingly trivial decisions garnered so much time spend weighing out the possibilities.

Dreams , vivid shit going on in ma nogging

This entire week I've been having very vivid dreams. To the point where very minute details that seem trivial occur. I'm just waking up and I can remember a bunch of details that were seemingly random.

In this recent dream I was at a bar, the first time I was there it was virtually empty except for a friend. Me and the friend created havoc and had to pay around 500 dollars. They even served us a list. Second time It had more people and the fine they gave me was even larger. I remember reading about 30 or so infractions in a plain white list. Some in fractions included "Strange phone call""Assault A". I remember the bar being remodeled and that the owner was glad to see me. There was only one waitress and the place was somewhat busy with about 15 or so customers. I remember that a friend of mine saw very little to look forward to in life, and when another female redhead friend wanted to commit suicide he obliged by handing her a handgun. I was distraught and trying to keep her from doing so. I remember she asked me a question and for whatever reason it was aimed at telling me about the ownership of the handgun. And I said, well it's yours now. Also I cried and explained that real pain was from friends I saw having chemotherapy and addicted to opiates where they gain angst and anxiety from lack of strength.

Also as I left my dad picked me up and there was an airport near a medical marijuana dispensary.

Strange days indeed

One

I don't claim to be anything more than my actions. However when one feels that they have to adapt from person to person, blending in like a chameleon and satisfying myself by doing what I think people would like from me it becomes hard to distinguish who I am .The truth is I do it mainly to shelter my insecurities then to please people. Exposing the true image would lead to rejection and pain. I can be the stoic man passionate and fully immersed, negative and mischievous, shy and reserved, talkative; friendly; warm, or a combination of other emotions. Exposing these emotions leads to a sense of acting, not being oneself and putting a front. Much like an actor shifting into another character, it becomes second nature. Never breaking my barriers for fear of conflict. However the conflict comes from within.

Seldom has there been a a feeling of intense and overwhelming "butterflies" exposing my true self. It leads to an exposure that borderlines on an unhealthy feeling of inferiority . Trying to arrange my mask I realized it was not worth it. A heavy fight or flight response beckons and garners pure sincerity. Much like discovering a better way of living life, there is a sense of bewilderment where possibilities seem endless. Time has absolutely no bearing on my actions. No longer does there need to be a wall, there is only acceptance and bliss, words do not do this feeling justice. To put on a mask would make things feel cheap, a mask leads to pure dread.

The second time this feeling was felt was even more refreshing. She was absolutely warm and embracing. Beautiful and sincere, making lies seem foolish and unnecessary. She will guide me through the darkness, and as soon as she exposes it, I will need no guide. Independent yet connected, sharing our true images and enjoying it all, but without clinging to each other. Once the void is exposed it will seem odd that it was ever there to begin with.

Romantic love seems corny because pop culture has made it seem like a comically impossible feat. To attempt that "love" requires one to be amazingly dull. Love at first sight is retarded, a soul mate is implausible, perfection is relative and it does not mean there will be no conflict. Love is something you work towards, it does not mean you will always be satisfied, it means you know satisfaction lies over the hill. Caring unselfishly, letting your partner be themselves and comfortable to be as they are, letting go of attachment and instead understanding that a bond does not mean you have to force. Ride the wave as best as you can.

It just got real son

It's hard being unselfish when you're American. Between the snuggies and dollar hamburgers we're pretty much fucked fitness wise. There's actually a lady in New Jersey who weighs six hundred pounds. And she said she was unsatisfied with her body, not because she thought she was gonna tip Jersey over, but because she thought she wasn't heavy enough. This wacky lady has a webcam set up where people pay to view her flab. She's even making a bank roll off people paying to view her.

We have the obesity epidemic, a giant divide that increases between the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. We are in two wars that no one really cares about, the president wins a nobel peace prize and then sends more troops. And meanwhile people are more concerned with who Tiger Woods stuck his dick into this week.

Then again it's better to be unaware at times. It wrecks your mind if you consider how much in shambles the system is. Can anything be done to fix it? Does it have to be replaced? Violently? Passively? Peacefully? Is there even a right answer?

Perhaps if we replaced fear and hatred with compassion and understanding. Instead of punishing people we rehabilitate, instead of condemning we try empathy.

This existence does not have to be hopelessly negative wherein we cause pain and suffering to others and ourselves. There is hope for change, but it starts within you.

So many questions and there might not even be an answer.